One of these years I am going to be one of those amazing women who prepares WAY ahead of time and transforms their homes into Love Central at this time of year. I try. Really I do. It just never quite comes together perfectly. You know the kind of person I'm talking about... especially if you have been watching my Pinterest activity ;-) I love all the adorable little touches, creative ideas, and the insane decorating... I'm just working my way up to it.
On that note, I was lamenting my inability to channel Martha, and wishing that my husband thought of romantic things on his own (without my reminding, prodding... etc...) and it occurred to me. It's not about the grand romantic gestures. Sure I still want my house to look like Cupid threw up in it (in a tasteful, elegant sort of way), but my priorities were turned around.
I have an the most romantic husband in the world. He is not a flowers and candy kind of guy. Don't get me wrong, I have a lovely pot of tulips on the dining room table and a large box of chocolates that he painstakingly picked out (not by the look of the box or how fancy it was, but by looking at the serving sizes and amounts of servings in a box to make sure that he got the most candy haha).... but I had to remind him umpteen times and practically steer him in their direction. He doesn't come up with creative ideas on his own. He ALWAYS waits until the last minute.
My husband spends hours every day massaging my legs with lotion and wrapping my leg in bandages. My husband throws in a load of laundry when needed. My husband helps me with dinner when I am hurting and always washes the dishes at night. My husband drops me and my wonky leg off at the door, everywhere we go, so that I do not have as far to walk. He does all of this without sighs and without complaint.
How could I possibly ask for a better husband than that?
I am a "doer," I don't like to be idle. There are so many things that I want to do, and the holidays remind me of my inability to do some of the simplest things.
I tried this year... I wish I had taken photos of everything! I packed Amerah a Valentine's lunch, with a pink color scheme (which she loved) and love notes from both me and her Daddy inside.
I did make a special Valentine's dinner... I didn't think of photographing it though until it was almost gone! You can still see the heart shaped, roasted potatoes though... (the tomatoes were added because asparagus was Daddy's choice and I was fairly certain that it wouldn't be a hit with Amerah (she did try it though :-)
This Valentine's Day I was filled with gratitude. First and foremost for such a wonderful husband. It took forever to find him but it was well worth the wait! Second for the beautiful daughter who came with him.
Being a step-mom takes a lot of stamina. It is both more challenging and more rewarding than I could have possibly imagined. Falling in love with a child who's been through divorce means loving her through the insecurities that come with learning that hearts can be broken and that many things in life are not permanent, at too young an age.
It means tenderly whittling away at the barriers she's put in place to guard her heart from people coming and going in her life. It means knowing that she loves you even though she won't say the words. It means trying not to be heartbroken when you've spent all week helping her, caring for her, and mothering her, and she turns and showers all that love on a parent who breezes in and out of her life when it is convenient for them. It means opening your heart and loving someone who is truly scared to let her heart go.
Loving this child means reading between the lines and knowing that, even if they don't say the words, they love you. It means looking for positive signs to keep yourself going. I found my encouragement a few nights ago, in a few lines that Amerah had written for school: "Home, home I love it. So warm and comfortable. I love my home so."
I love my little family. One of these days my home will be decorated beautifully and my parties will be the cutest and my family will wear matching outfits, sing on key, and be the envy of the entire cyberworld... but for now I am content with a dog who loves my husband as much as I do, heart shaped potatoes, love notes, and my child who wouldn't be caught dead at school with hearts in her hair.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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